The Non Sequitur Maritime Museum

Boats.

A comprehensive guide to boats. It is not a comprehensive guide to boats.

The boat section is real and it is short. Everything after it does not follow. That is the entire proposition, and the domain is the proof of it.

Proceed to the fleet ↓
I

The Fleet

Three vessels. After this section there are no more vessels, and there never were.

Plate I · Clipper ship

The Ardent

1874–1891

Lost with all hands off Cape Horn. Every member of the crew was named Dave, which is irrelevant to the loss but is the only detail anyone has kept.

Plate II · Rowboat

The Second Mortgage

2003–present

Bought at a garage sale for forty dollars and never once floated. Restored to museum condition on a front lawn, where it remains, quietly accruing interest.

Plate III · Barque

Nonsequitur

2011–2011

Commissioned, named, blessed, launched, and sold the same afternoon. The buyer wanted to rename it, learned that he could not, and stopped returning calls.

An oil painting of a wooden rowboat resting on a suburban front lawn beside a garden hose and a mailbox.
Plate II, in situ. Oil on canvas. The vessel has not been near water since the sale. The hose is not part of the vessel.
II

Non Sequiturs, Ranked

The museum's own collection, ordered by distance travelled. Distance is measurable. Quality is not a property of the form, which is the point of it.

  1. 01I have never been to Lisbon. The coffee here is fine.
  2. 02My father was a locksmith. Which is why I don't eat shellfish.
  3. 03The printer is fixed. I have told that story at three weddings.
  4. 04There are more possible chess games than atoms in the observable universe. Your call is important to us.
  5. 05I do not have a favourite colour. I have a favourite font.
  6. 06Octopuses have three hearts. I have one, which is a scheduling problem.
  7. 07The moon is drifting away from us at 3.8 centimetres a year. More than some people manage.
  8. 08Every bag of trail mix is one raisin away from an argument. Anyway, how was your Tuesday.

III · Meanwhile

meanwhile@nonsequitur.boats

Announces the jump. Use it when the conversation has run its course and you would like to be somewhere else entirely. It is a real address on a real domain, and it forwards to a real inbox, and it will not explain itself. That is the service.

IV

The Topic Changer

For when you have nothing to add and would like to add it anyway.

Non sequiturPress the button. Nothing that follows will follow.